Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) is known far and wide for its love of science fiction camp and its wicked satire of it. The show's writers did what so many writers can only dream of doing: make fun of bad writing and get paid for it. You'll remember each installment featured a human and his two sidekick robots sitting down front of an empty movie theater and commenting throughout the B sf flick they were forced to endure much like we all do when it's raining outside on Saturday afternoon. Only Mike and friends were in a spacecraft and it wasn't raining outside. They were forced to watch the movies by Pearl, kidnapper and would-be world dominator. In this issue of Broadsheet, we are proud to bring you the words of, without a doubt, the funniest star of the show: Mary Jo Pehl who played Pearl. Not only did Ms. Pehl star in the show, she also cowrote the scripts which were spot on send ups of the most horrible sf the Ed Woods of the world foisted on us. Enjoy!

April 2006

TV Writing, Satire, and Cheese
by Mary Jo Pehl

Mary Jo Pehl is a former writer and actor for Mystery Science Theater 3000 on the Sci-Fi Channel and Comedy Central. She has been a contributor to NPR's All Things Considered and The Savvy Traveler on Public Radio International. Her writing has appeared in Life's A Stitch, an anthology of humor, and many other publications, including the Minneapolis Star Tribune, The Rake, Minnesota Monthly and the Minnesota Women's Press. Her play, Man Saved By Condiments, was a hit at the 2005 Minnesota Fringe Festival. She has appeared around the country as a storyteller/monologist and her book, I Lived With My Parents And Other Tales of Terror, was published in 2004 by Plan 9 Publishing.

It's because of laundry. I consider myself a writer and identify myself as one, but—and I know you know what I'm talking about—it's the stuff of everyday life that often gets in the way of writing itself: laundry, flossing, returning your mother's phone calls. And just when I think I'm a no-good, dilettante flotsam of letters, I get an e-mail from one of my favorite publications telling me they want to buy what I think surely could be my most un-sellable essay ever, a paean to cheese. I'm thrilled because I'll be able to pay my rent, which is always very exciting. And I'm thrilled because for a little while longer I can still declare myself a writer. And so when Broad Universe contacted me about writing about writing, well, of course I am feeling very writerly! So I will address some of the specific things I was asked about, and here and there, I may meander to and fro.

First they wanted to know how I got my start in tv writing and specifically in MST3K.

I'd been doing stand-up comedy in the mid-eighties, during the stand-up comedy boom, when every bar, every gas station, every rural vegetable stand would put a microphone in the corner and call themselves a comedy club. Oh, the stories I could tell! I ought not complain though—THOSE flush comedy times allowed me to get fired from yet another job and make my living doing comedy, acting and writing.

Most of us comedian/actors in Minneapolis more or less knew each other—we were all of the same "graduating class"—and I'd done shows and open stages with Joel Hodgson, Mike Nelson, Frank Conniff, Trace Beaulieu, Josh Weinstein and Bridget Jones. It came to pass that they were doing a TV show, which Joel had created on one of the local channels. The show had kind of escaped my radar—I was on the road a lot and didn't watch that much TV. (Okay, I watched lots of reruns of Police Woman, which was probably ON the only channel I could get at home, and was always in reruns in whatever small town I was playing.)

Then Mystery Science Theater got picked up by Comedy Central and I'd heard they were looking for another writer. A friend urged me to throw my hat into the ring. I mustered what little courage I had and called Mike Nelson, the head writer. They brought me in for a two-week audition writing on the show. After the two weeks was up, they asked me to stay on another two weeks. After that, I think they forgot I was there. I was acutely aware that the trial period was drawing to an end, and nobody had said anything about me staying or leaving! On that last Friday, I bravely went around thanking them all for the opportunity. They all looked kind of baffled. They had a quick meeting, then they asked me to stay on. So I guess my writing for television was an accident! At the time, I was wondering if I'd have to move to L.A. to go further in showbiz, but really hadn't thought it out. I'd never imagined I'd be able to write for TV in my hometown. I was really grateful to stop doing comedy on the road, and MST3K was an amazing, wonderful experience. I got to watch TV all day and laugh with funny, smart people, most of whom are still dear friends. What's not to like?

They also wanted to know what it's like writing for television as compared to writing a novel or a short story or even an essay.

I can only talk about my experience with MST3K which I think, judging by my L.A. friends' experiences writing on sitcoms, is unique. First of all, it was very collaborative. We'd watch the movies, all of us calling out comments to the screen, taking turns transcribing the jokes on the computer. Inevitably, each joke would be crafted and re-crafted, with each of us offering ideas of how to make it better, or changing it completely. As a group, we'd brainstorm all the host segment ideas. We'd then each take a segment to work on individually, return to the group and read it aloud, at which point they were further honed and refined. I won't say there weren't egos at MST3K because you must have one to survive in the arts/entertainment bizness, but I can say we all worked with the same intent—to make the show better. And it was rare that we could attribute specific jokes to a person—we'd always say, "it came out of the writing room."

So... where was I?

After MST3K, I traveled on and off for a year, then moved to New York. In show biz, you're only as great as the thing you did yesterday, and a year had passed since I'd done MST so I wasn't rolling into town on a whole lot of momentum. People showed some interest here and there in hiring me for TV stuff, but nothing was really panning out. I continued writing however: my own essays, short stories and contributions to NPR, Public Radio International, and various publications.

The great thing about writing short stories, essays and the like is that no one can keep you from doing it! It's not dependent on collaboration, you can still do it and try to sell your work even if you're not being hired on a permanent or freelance basis. You have some options, first and foremost being you still get to write. You're on your own and there's freedom in that.

They wanted to know what I've done in terms of marketing my writing, and what I thought the Broad Universe writers could or should do in that area.

Let me offer some thoughts and ideas for writers of any genre, things I've learned that I hope will offer some insight into the whole process, my brethren writers!

First of all, it's taken me a lonnnnnng time to market myself. It does not come naturally to me. I just want to write and have the money truck back up to my door. I finally realized there were some things I'd have to deal with if I wanted to support myself doing freelance work: acting, writing, voice-over (anything to avoid a 40-hour/week cube job!).

First of all, you have to do the work. That means you have to actually write. You have to create a body of work with which to proceed, of which to feel confident. I can't tell you how long I denied this! I often lead writing workshops and some people come in thinking I have some magic solution that involves anything except them actually sitting down and writing. I know, because I was the same—I would take lots and lots of classes, and had no time to actually write! (And read! Read lots and lots! Not with the intent of imitating anyone but to relish the bounty of styles and approaches.)

As for getting published, if you're just getting started, I suggest identifying some forums where you want to get published—local papers, community papers, on-line, regional magazines, whatever. Here in Minneapolis, we must have at least 20 weekly & monthly papers covering the arts, specific neighborhoods and communities, new age, local politics, etc. Now I'm all for dreaming big, and think that you should, but smaller forums might help you get your chops as a writer and give you some good clips. And because there are so many niche, off-beat rags, they're more willing to try different or risky things. They are also more easily approached, they're always looking for good writers, you can learn so much, and you can establish a relationship with an editor who, if they're good, can really help develop your work. However...

Know your own voice. The more you write, the more you'll know and trust your voice. I've been in several situations where I've written something, an editor liked it but wanted to change it. Now... (I think we need a flowchart here!)

...it might be something completely negotiable that really helps the piece. An editor, someone who's experienced and gentle and who's somewhat detached from the piece, can really clarify things, making your piece even better. But then again...

...sometimes an editor claims to like the piece but wants substantial changes, resulting in something that really isn't yours. I have friends whose pieces have been so radically changed as to render the "voice" neutral and they won't show editors those clips! You can choose this battle if you like, but my feeling is is that then the piece is being written by committee and they ought to get someone else to write it.

So choose your criticisms carefully. If you feel like you cannot accept criticism about something on a certain day—or ever—don't! I used to give everyone the same amount of power in my work. If the postman said something vaguely critical about my work, I gave it the same weight as a beloved, trusted writer/friend. Believe me, anyone and everyone wants to offer some critique of your writing. And if you take everyone's offerings, again, you're writing by committee. And you'll be laid low in your sock drawer for weeks at a time because someone failed to recognize your genius (oh, wait, maybe that's just me). Now I'm not so thin-skinned and there are a few people with whom I can hear what they have to say, because I know they will be gentle and diplomatic, and they understand my voice and what I'm trying to accomplish. By the same token, I never offer any critique or criticism to people that I do not know, and in my classes I ask the writer what kind of feedback they are looking for, so I can be specific and honest.

Now I've been in the biz awhile, and have a body of work (finally!) so I did what all the kids are doing these days - I got a website! I'm abashed to even admit it because it is standard in this day and age, but you see, I'm secretly 170 years old and frightened of technology—combine that with a loathing of self-promotion, and surely you can see why it's such a big, hairy deal! I finally got that I need to have a way to be present and accessible in the market. And I finally got all that a website can do... even if mine IS in fierce need of updating!

As for television...

If you want to write for television (keeping in mind my singular, unique experience), you can try a couple of different things. Move to L.A. or New York, start making contacts—it's quite possible someone you know knows someone who knows someone. Or you start knocking on doors or sending polite e-mails introducing yourself. But first, know what you want: figure out WHO you need to talk to and figure out WHAT you want to be doing, what show or type of show you want to be writing for. I learned the hard way that you don't waste people's time by not knowing! I think sometimes I talked to people expecting THEM to tell ME what I should be doing. I'm embarrassed to see now that I wasted a lot of people's time.

Or you can do what Joel Hodgson did—create your own show. It's not easy, of course, but it can be done. There are a million different ways to accomplish something.

And learn everything you can about being a good writer, no matter what genre you're working in. Be well rounded. Discover other things! Have a life! And fer cryin' out loud, don't take yourself too seriously. I love it if you take your work seriously and passionately but don't take yourself too seriously.

Now, back to the cheese...

I'd submitted an over-the-top, surreal-ish essay about my love affair with cheese to one of my favorite magazines, which has published my work before. I've established a relationship with them and they're a lovely bunch, respectful and professional. I took a gamble and sent them the cheese story. The editor declined and asked if I could rewrite the second half of it, as he felt the tone was not in keeping with the beginning. Now, I would have gladly done it because I love working with the magazine, but frankly I was stumped! It's so offbeat, it doesn't really have a logic to it and I was pretty myopic by that point (plus I have a walnut-size brain, did I mention that?). So I was honest: I told them that I would consider it but frankly, I was stymied. It sat in my drawer. Months later they were doing a food issue and felt that the cheese story would fit perfectly. They asked me to send it again, and they bought it. It was a different context for the piece. I tell this to illustrate a give and take I've developed with the magazine. But take my word for it: the people you want to write for are really busy. You know, because you're busy too. So be professional—but human! Be polite and be accessible and do everything you can not to waste their time. And by doing so, you won't be wasting your time, either.

I'd also add that you should be clear about who your contact person is. Don't be afraid or shy to ask questions. Do your research. A few years ago I had a piece that I was sure was perfect for Arther Frommer's Budget Travel. I, not being clear about the roles of the Executive Editor and other editors, sent it to two different people. They both expressed interest, then realized I'd sent it to the other one. Both were angry with me and accused me of playing them against each other. Though I realized I got caught in the middle of some office politics, I'm still mortified to think about it. This was not my intent, it was just sheer naiveté, I apologized profusely but I lost out on publishing in a magazine that I adore. And in that vein, don't burn bridges. You don't know when you might cross paths again with someone.

I also encourage writers to establish relationships with fellow writers who are at the level they aspire to be. For instance, I have a friend who is a super-smart, terrific writer in a journalistic, reportorial style, something I aspire to do more of. She aspires to do more of the kind of essay, personal experience writing that I do. I got a chance to do a fact-based story for a publication and she coached me, for which I shall be forever grateful. And I've given her some feedback and support with her essay-istic writing (essay-istic?! yep! Me a riter!). But be up front—don't use people. People are usually pretty game to help but don't want to be used. See if you can return the favor someway somehow. Show your appreciation. And if they decline to be your de facto or informal mentor, again, don't take it personally!

And dare! Dare to get rejected! It's not fun but the more you do it, the easier it gets! Really! Work on your stuff, make it great, and send it out; and if those bastards don't recognize your genius, to hell with 'em, and send it out again!

And in closing...

There's a great quote from the film Ed Wood (a movie which we MST3K writers were convinced was made just for us!). In the film, Ed Wood is at a point when he's despondent and frustrated about his career and he happens to meet his idol, Orson Welles. Welles tells him, "Don't spend your life making other people's dreams." Create your own opportunities. Do what you love. We already have all the unhappy conformist automatons we need.